Foregones.

Well, this is new.
I had hitched my hopes, dreams, and the promises of a new life to this city. And the city was good. Good to me. It gave me an escape – A refuge to my desire to run away from home and to truly belong somewhere. A place that would shield my past from me, and all the feelings of disappointment and awkwardness the thought of that erst-life brought to me.
And it gave me an opportunity. To leave the burdens of boyhood and craft an identity in the city that doesn't care who you were before you begun here.
Accomplishments came. They reaffirmed my belief that future holds good in this place, in this vacuum strained with people lumping their collective dreams on their personal fairylands.
But it took something from me. My innocence. And in the deal with the devilcity, I was promised a faith that instructs you to cheat your past to rightly claim the future.
Quoting a Coldplay lyric –

“Oh! Did you want me to change?
Well I changed for good
I want you to know that you'll always get your way”

This city does want you to change. And it does always gets its way. It'll make you what you never were, and what you always wanted to be.
But you misread perspective for permanence.
Because all this city was, was just perspective. It looses its reins on me, with every passing minute. The colonial buildings, the hypnotic sea, the utopian window thronged with endless life, are all losing their meaning and their imagined beauty. And so, this is just another city; another haven for lost souls who imagine they don't belong anywhere else.
It will show you the impossible, it will let you smell it, and when it feels generous, it'll let you taste it. But soon enough, you'll know that it can never be, and it'll all be taken away from you before you let a breath-full of the counterfeit paradise in and suck you dry of you.


This is me being thankless. Again. Once, for the city that made me. Twice, for the city that kept me.

Fuck it. I'll go and get a job. Or, the cure for random sadness – booze, smokes, and company.